What Mighty Contests

How to Be a Mediocre Boyfriend

The internet is teeming with articles on relationships, but a recent series of Google searches revealed a glaring omission.

"How to Be a Good Boyfriend": 508,000 results
"How to Be a Better Boyfriend": 61,900 results
"How to Be the Best Boyfriend": 272,000 results
"How to Be a Mediocre Boyfriend": 0 results

Fear not, internet denizens. I’m here to help.

First of all, the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach, so it’s important to show that you can provide for her.

Next, always aim to be courteous. Even a small gesture can make a lasting impression.

Gifts can also be an important part of a dating relationship. Use these to show that you’re thinking about her – and they’ll also help keep you on her mind.

One-on-one time is essential for the formation of deep bonds, so plan dates where you’ll have plenty of uninterrupted togetherness.

As you converse with your girlfriend, remember the power of compliments. Say nice things about her appearance, her friends, and so forth.

Above all, be honest and don’t try to hide your feelings.

There you have it. Go forth in mediocrity!

Why Guys Should Hate Chick Flicks

I’ve heard any number of women complain that the males of their acquaintance refuse to watch modern romantic comedies. I’ve also heard many people criticize chick flicks for their reification of women into spouse-hunting she-Rambos. Often overlooked, however, is the shallow portrayal of men.

Chick flick heroes come in set types.

Theoretically these men have lives of their own, but only lip-service is paid to their careers, hobbies, and aspirations. They often gather with friends, but there’s only one topic of conversation.

In the world of the chick flick, certain ratios apply.

Have you ever noticed that “heroine” and “heroin” are only one letter apart? This may be etymologically insignificant... or is it?

Congratulations, gentlemen. According to chick flicks, you are an object meant to be manipulated, trapped, and eventually mounted on the mantel.

Final Exam Alternatives

How to Be the Heroine of a Chick Flick: Flowchart

(Click to enlarge.)

ABCDE

5 Uses for a Wedding Bouquet

Catching a wedding bouquet is a no-win situation. This is equally true if you’re single...

...or if you’re dating someone.

However, all is not lost if you’re stuck with the bouquet. Yes, you must suffer the slings and arrows of eternal shame, but look on the bright side: you never know when this acquisition will prove unexpectedly handy.