Why Guys Should Hate Chick Flicks

I’ve heard any number of women complain that the males of their acquaintance refuse to watch modern romantic comedies. I’ve also heard many people criticize chick flicks for their reification of women into spouse-hunting she-Rambos. Often overlooked, however, is the shallow portrayal of men.

Chick flick heroes come in set types.

Theoretically these men have lives of their own, but only lip-service is paid to their careers, hobbies, and aspirations. They often gather with friends, but there’s only one topic of conversation.

In the world of the chick flick, certain ratios apply.

Have you ever noticed that “heroine” and “heroin” are only one letter apart? This may be etymologically insignificant... or is it?

Congratulations, gentlemen. According to chick flicks, you are an object meant to be manipulated, trapped, and eventually mounted on the mantel.

How to Be the Heroine of a Chick Flick: Flowchart

(Click to enlarge.)

Diamond BFFs

According to a recent CNN article on holiday shopping, “Diamonds have always been a girl’s best friend.” This got me thinking... what if they really were?

We’d hang out together...

go shopping...

offer moral support...

and be each other’s wingwoman.

I had believed that DeBeers created the diamond myths that were later perpetuated in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. However, CNN has now corrected my misunderstanding. Diamonds have always been important companions for women.

So there you have it. Diamonds are not a source of strife and bloodshed as cited here, here, and here. They are, always have been, and always will be a girl’s best friend. Who needs human beings when you have shiny pieces of carbon?