-- with apologies to Robert Frost
Posted by Lori at 7:15 PM No comments:
People have different mechanisms for making life decisions. Most of mine are based on what would happen if I were suddenly transported back in time.
I teach a class called "Modern Communication." The irony is that for the first ten years of my life I couldn't say my own name.
I was always very fond of my name.
The letters "L" and "R" were my personal demons.
... so twice a week I had to leave class, descend a flight of stairs, and squeeze into a closet of a room with Ms B., the speech therapist.
Ms B. was a great believer in stickers...
... and in a special box.
But I didn't want a lacy, neon green shoelace or half a ripped Garfield comic book. Instead, I offered Ms B. a deal.
She really didn't understand.
Suddenly my diagnosis blurred. I was no longer the girl with the speech problem; I was the girl with the attitude problem.
Eventually Ms B. wrote me off as a lost cause.
Sixteen years have passed, and to hear me talk you wouldn't know that I'd ever had a speech problem.
Posted by Lori at 4:58 PM No comments:
World Domination: Christmas Style
Christmas finds the citizens of the world unusually full of warmth, cheer, and trust in the goodness of humanity. This widespread complacency makes December the perfect opportunity for global conquest.
The first step toward absolute power involves befriending a biologist and a lumberjack.
With the aid of your new friends, find the largest supplier of Christmas trees and volunteer to help fell the pines and firs. During the ax party, secretly implant remote-controlled capsules of sleeping gas.
With the money garnered from the illicit goods, commission a giant candy cane. Take this candy cane to the top of a mountain and wait for lightning.
If all goes well, the giant candy cane will split into many smaller candy canes, and each of these will have been brought to life by the jolt of electricity. You now have an army of candy cane warriors.
From this point forward, you really can't go wrong (you have an army of candy cane warriors, after all), so I'll let you figure out the rest on your own. World domination is just around the corner.
Posted by Lori at 11:39 PM 2 comments:
Labels: Vikings/World Domination
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