World Domination: Christmas Style

Christmas finds the citizens of the world unusually full of warmth, cheer, and trust in the goodness of humanity. This widespread complacency makes December the perfect opportunity for global conquest.

The first step toward absolute power involves befriending a biologist and a lumberjack.

With the aid of your new friends, find the largest supplier of Christmas trees and volunteer to help fell the pines and firs. During the ax party, secretly implant remote-controlled capsules of sleeping gas.

Wait until a sentimental holiday movie hits the airwaves, and then activate the buried devices.

Sneak into the homes of the somnolent and extract all the gifts.

Sell the purloined presents on Craigslist.

With the money garnered from the illicit goods, commission a giant candy cane. Take this candy cane to the top of a mountain and wait for lightning.

If all goes well, the giant candy cane will split into many smaller candy canes, and each of these will have been brought to life by the jolt of electricity. You now have an army of candy cane warriors.

From this point forward, you really can't go wrong (you have an army of candy cane warriors, after all), so I'll let you figure out the rest on your own. World domination is just around the corner.


  1. Ah Lori - this is so you. Still aiming for global domination. Sorry I can't help.

  2. You are so cute! :)