It all started a few months ago when a particularly horrifying piece of mail arrived.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV9fAZdUwHDV3d94lBEK9i-8c3nazQwPnl2dAtu_xLV9N3z4uOiRcDQJJurzRUkGJAucXUdwDsY0DL8sJCb2rUw8vz02RhLQaLSKPZiFkYWKxeFy2Hw0QMntXZAbthFDgC4X5ruO9uqGw/s400/Baby+showers+are+bad+news+.jpg)
I’m not against babies per se, but they’re something that older people have to deal with. You know, real adults, not people my age. I’d never been to a baby shower, but I did have a mental image of what one would entail.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoQPXTAKzATKVKmCK6ckJqyggDzR5NuWm4-ipxF-VMhs6W-1-0BSseCfFaz7_pNOIeRed211bD-acnhc23gElq9Kgf2yoZIfNojp5Qn5zyZVf7OFv1e3kDA4sS4dHDzdy979tHkaWXQqI/s400/Literal+Baby+Shower+001.jpg)
My coping mechanism was to promptly lose the invitation.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhDPeULvOUiYCQaF0V5C5qxDKsscagMVZAuVu1cNdnmiq01e_HY5AFLZfwDu5u-IYqwd2NhGh_PakyOT6Z2Befar3sTUUwT53GfWCiy-l5rqnJ8CKZZ0VvqMlsD2Z9cCii4LPpAZuEzns/s400/See+no+baby%252C+hear+no+baby.jpg)
Eventually I gave a last-minute RSVP to the mother-to-be, and she emailed me the time and place I needed to show up. Armed with firm logistical details, I trooped over to the local baby store in order to find a gift. I soon realized that I was way out of my depth.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpAez3r194aZzri__NyP2JXRQD2YEvYE9zfsr5-T3Fyrs08cqRBFq9wyR2rhMMB84URag00vPL3MU5MEw8MwuovnOSnrnSMiBtF6E0leBec-uCJVltTYBS-5Na1WroQEu78Vs4P7npHss/s400/Super+Baby+Discount.jpg)
Fortunately, the employees were eager to assist me.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6PwsseccdBcQgamz5VQHZ5H9VmRf5-0YSyLWtFoFJc1rmBVzw_8XJfoSTBXnXRuUMCKqbKXlfH-iTvq8Nl0eq0Z9bmHtu8Liw83orXZscdXvqSe1kQ3tLVRQBjp3SkMQc8XjKh2CwpUE/s400/Swedish+snotsucker+001.jpg)
On the day of the shower, I waded through a horde of people I didn’t know and stared in shock. What caught me off guard was that the so-called “baby shower” had a dearth of actual babies.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfpd-Kwd69mOdqdK6SNiHWkUKyb3P6szgagDZYucobe5inA1dXNl1xxGrszralX0Zd56D3PzAiNABU_P-drOx6RCIrdj_GVECKkGpfLTIm6Fe9T_qV96LG2uU5sPSOYV7z0t3CnFZxkag/s400/Lack+of+Crying+and+Crawling.jpg)
The mother-to-be looked wonderful. So did the mountain of food in the kitchen, but in a very different way. After heaping my plate with goodies, I was more than content to discuss what the future child was to be called.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8mlIMjwzKqxCtpoXdpBJWM_MJkNzFuKDEK60Zfc7DquU9kF3aGFg1Y1NZrtdBSM8gCMKm5kgcXNwvwM1tOseYIIEtKdTaUhCSKDVAX_j7oPVGjKZs9tYOIEpeGtfsd7UBjZk72nTanOs/s400/What+was+the+middle+name.jpg)
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcfLcWqmBMsfIwkSyNsYO7VYszIs4rXSQA2cyrd8hVJWLHmR-z3-bKn9SR1len1uATCq3Sywxkvr6qF-cwX2APa01Bfmkf6GkGmCD5RiXAjdoViTXKituISrrjrUAaF9ZLp22sVC5vG7U/s400/I%2527m+pretty+sure+that+wasn%2527t+it.jpg)
Eventually it was time for the presents.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw48AgiRKLuY14iuwTcaeXYn7vfhiFY05ryHQBV5cAqBfuNYVUGi69SDN3Q8XPEdmjtYK_zJJZiCNlvXoo4803MpPG0l5W39E3PHFdLeehfcogGxGl15ECniPlkZ5YfnkqXePA2HkmVP8/s400/Open+ALL+THE+THINGS.jpg)
(If you're not familiar with the reference above, you're missing out.)
While we watched the gift-opening extravaganza, I compared notes with my roommate.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxmkC1rTipKgztLODCdDWUYBotS2S1NbUUuLRw2FrwsCEq8vdky0Bog5RMyI2IB_OvjVRFOZQaW_G4I79G1CMuPYZ33sFEr26Aue2JTv_XcGqZ7Ra1DCzrC9FbLS9GHARhS_b1K31ToUo/s400/Registry.jpg)
Of course, there was more to the shower than food and presents. There was also a game where we identified the titles of nursery rhymes based on brief excerpts. I won by a landslide.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlbp2npQG3J-nO1meYCTjYXEtTwxsj1KSisJhyphenhyphenvqCTS96cfBqRKL2HGCCRPyo062NlqP5HkfqeX6McXG66pgoUrvVm0DINKsCS8heWupVSEhef_vL_-fICqvBrso4Mwmm7TahBIEbpfZU/s400/I%2527d+like+to+thank+my+parents.jpg)
Prizes went to the first, second, and third place winners.