Today I got to play with fire in church.
Okay, so it wasn’t as awesome as that. In reality, I joined with three other people to lead the morning’s responsive reading.
After the responsive reading, it was time to light the advent candles, a task that fell to me. Apparently it’s very important to light the candles in the correct order.
The problem with this is that it required me to maneuver around my advent fire-buddies while holding a lit match.
To complicate matters, I had to move quickly enough to light all three candles before the match expired.
Somehow I managed to overcome my severe lack of coordination. I flitted across the stage like a skilled dancer.
Knowing, however, that lesser folk may not be as innately talented as I, I propose the following week-long training regimen for potential advent pyrotechnicians.
Monday: Meditate on the biblical concept of fire. Did you know that forms of the word “fire” appears 364 times in the NIV translation?
Tuesday: Run an obstacle course. Dodging piles of laundry in your bedroom is an acceptable version of this.
Wednesday: Hide a box of matches in a pile of evergreen branches. This will prepare you to grab them swiftly from the advent wreath. Bonus points if you do this while being chased by a large bear.
Thursday: Practice lighting matches and holding them as to maximize their lifetime. Whether or not you get burned in the process is irrelevant.
Friday: Shout “Fire!” in a crowded theater. This will prepare you for if you accidentally set the sanctuary ablaze.
Saturday: Update will.
Sunday: Cover self in gasoline. If you catch fire, you might as well make it impressive.